A couple weeks ago... or maybe 2 weeks. I was faced with something that I never thought I would feel or experience in my life. So, we were having a good week, it was filled with goodness, I had a leader conference and we talked about a lot of stuff we can do better. This also included new rules or clarifications about rules we didn’t understand. This made me feel happy and well the way I feel about it is if they give us a rule we need to complete it and just continue to work hard. Soooo, this stressed me out a little and I think I felt anxious but I have no idea what it was. Anyway. I felt this way because my companion hasn’t gotten to the point where he wants to be obedient with all the rules and I knew that maybe he wasn’t going to like what I was going to tell him. Knowing that I think it freaked me out because I hate feeling a lone in the work. So. after that we went to the house of some old investigators that don’t really like me because we stopped working with them because they hadn’t progressed in almost over a year. We went there and talked to them and I tried to explain what we as missionaries do. She was nice but said a lot of rude things to me. After that night I’m not sure what or how it happened but it did. After a bunch of things that had happened Satan, started to attack me... literally I felt like God had left me... I couldn’t recognize the spirit and the only thing that was going through my mind was the question, "Does God exist?" I suffered for a couple of days praying and reading the scriptures. Finally, I got an answer very clear from an Hermano here in the ward. It was the Bishop actually, we had to talk to him about ward counsel and then we started talking about the atonement and he was explaining stuff. I felt prompted to ask him what it could be that I was feeling or what was happening with me. He told me, “Elder Smith do you remember what happened when Joseph Smith was in jail and he said, “Oh God, where art thou?” or when Jesus Christ was suffering for us and said, "Oh God why hast thou forsaken me?” He continued to say, “Elder, Sometimes God leaves us for a little bit to test us, not because we are disobedient but because we need to grow."
During this time the only thing that I was hanging on to was my testimony and the things that I had felt and remember feeling about the gospel or when I was in the temple or any other time that I felt the gospel strongly. Anyway, I got through that but it made me think about how important it is to strengthen us daily. We can’t wait around thinking that all is good because one day something will hit us and we won’t be ready and we will fall. That could mean that we might not find our way back.
I know that this Gospel is true. It is the life that we need to live. I know that through Christ we can do all things and I know that he lives and that he is the son of Our Heavenly Father. I know that God our Heavenly Father lives and loves us and that even though we don’t remember his face, He remembers ours. I am so thankful for this time on earth and for the veil that blocks us from remembering so that we can learn and progress and continue to become like God and Jesus Christ and so that one day we can live with them. I love this Gospel. I know that this is the light that we all need.
Remember I love you all!!
Con Harto Amor,
Con Harto Amor,